Recent Progress Photo's

Halloween 2013
-18.8 lbs

Homecoming NCA&T 2013
-20.2 lbs

Homecoming 2013

It's been forever!

I've been so involved with my personal life and work that I have completely blown off my weight loss and this blog.

I have not been following any plan at all. I eat when I'm hungry, and I run around at work like crazy. I've continued to lose, pretty slowly. I'm not down 24.2 pounds total since June, but am hoping to lose another 8 ounces by the time the year is up. I still have a couple weeks.

2014 is vastly approaching and I'm hoping to get on track. I've invested in an elliptical finally which is going to be delivered next weekend. I'm so looking forward to it! Once I have that in the house, I'll definitely be using it.... especially because I have the time to do it.

I crazily decided to go back to school part time, so starting in January I will be working full time and in school part-time in the evenings. I'm probably going to go nut-so, but It'll all be worth it in in the end.

I'm sorry for being gone for so long, but look for some more posts. I'm back!

This will be quick!

I don't know what's wrong with me. I haven't felt much like blogging, However on Weigh In Friday I was down 4.4 pounds so I'm heading in the right direction thankfully. I just have to keep it up.

I started my new job, and I just finished the Two week in service Orientation Process, and now I am actually in the doctors office doing more training for the next couple of weeks.

I'm exhausted, but I have to find a way to fit in exercise. I went grocery shopping and bought a ton of food!!!!!! I'll be taking my lunch to work from now on, and of course, I bought things for breakfast and dinner. I'm perfect with food, but now I have to get in the exercise somewhere!

Still a work in progress, but I will be glad when this training schedule is over, and I am on my permanent schedule. I like routine, and right now, I have no routine, and am winging it day by day.

Looking back on the month of September.

September was not my best month. In fact, I did not lose a single pound. I gained almost 6 pounds. EASY TO DO, SO HARD TO WORK OFF.

So, let me start by saying... I have started my new job as a nurse, and so far so good. I am really loving it. I spend most days on my feet running around back and forth, all over. However.... one thing I did notice is that because I am now spending 8 hours on my feet, my feet are hurting ( I purchased a new pair of shoes this afternoon, so I am hoping this helps), but also my legs are swollen by the end of the day. I generally have a problem with my legs swelling due to the accident I was in a number of years ago. I have some metal plates and screws in my leg, and the swelling comes and goes. HOWEVER, i know I am doing all this activity that I rarely do because my past schedule consisted of long hours in classes.... but the downfall of work is that we literally have a catered nurses meeting, or a catered lunch because the drug reps come in trying to convince the office to use their brand of drug. GREAT, but I actually think this is a factor in my number on the scale this past friday when I have come to realize that overall, I have gained 5.6 pounds. And prior to this week, I have been stress eating worrying about starting this job, and finances, and other issues in my life- I'm a big time stress/emotional eater and this always always affects my life and the number on the scale.

So, the question is.... where do I go from here?

From now on I have to consciously think about what I am eating instead of just eating what's available at lunch!

I need to eat breakfast. One problem I have is that I have never been much of an eater first thing in the morning, I always get up then I eat about an hour or 2 after getting up, but I don't really have that option anymore. So I end up getting up, and not eating until lunch at 12pm and then I overeat because I am starving!

I also have not done any exercising, I really need to work on this. I think I am going to need to force myself to get up earlier than I normally do, and commit to doing a morning workout. I have some 20-30 minute workout DVDs that I can put to use, instead of getting out of work and saying I'm tired. This week coming up is actually going to be an easy week, because I have some more training that I have to do Tuesday-Friday... so I'll be able to get in some exercise this week....

As far as my "diet" goes... I just don't know what to do! I never know what I want to eat, but whatever I pick just hasn't been satisfying for me. So I snack on other things trying to get when I'm looking for, but nothing is working! I just want more of something to try to satisfy myself...and nothing helps, Ive been drinking water, and a lot of diet green tea, but i'm still missing something.

I'm faithfully taking all my vitamins. I've actually been very productive in that area. So I'm still not understanding what exactly my body feels like its wanting or needing that nothing seems to be satisfying me.

October will be a better month! Thats a promise to MYSELF!

Friday Weigh In

Well, today was weigh in and YET AGAIN.... I am up 2 pounds.
It's my own fault, I've been eating out of stress and boredom, and haven't been exercising. So it's a minor set back...I got back on track today.... Today would've normally been my cheat day, but I've had 2 full cheat weeks!

I'm going to do a 7 day challenge until next fridays weigh in hoping to shed the pounds I gained!

Food will consist of:
A visalus shake for Breakfast and Lunch
A low carb dinner
(2) 100-150 calorie snacks.

Exercise:
Walking either around the neighborhood, or on my dreadful treadmill
Jillian Michaels ripped in 30, and a couple other workouts I got off Pinterest.
Definitely doing the Tone your arms in 7 days...

Where's the plan?

Nothing is going as planned. I am all over the place, and CANNOT seem to stick to any of my plans or goals! I'm struggling.... I know I got a lot on my mind, and the more I stress the more it affects me in how my appetite increases, and my lack of wanting to exercise.

Stress, and my rollercoaster of emotions always affects the way I live my life severely.

Tomorrow is a new day. I have a doctors appointment, and I need to get it together. I probably won't see much of a loss come weigh in on friday, but I definitely do not want to gain any more!

Gettin back in the swing of things...

Fall is definitely my most favorite season of all. There's something about the crisp cool air, and the leaves falling and changing on the trees. It makes me feel good!

TODAY, was my last festivity for quite sometime. It was the weekend of the local Lewiston Peach Festival, and needless to say I indulged in a corndog, a fresh squeezed lemonade with way too much sugar, an italian sausage with peppers and onions, and then a delicious peach shortcake.... sigh. It was delicious I can't deny it, buuuut now that all these festivals, carnivals and etc are over, there's really not much reason for many more cheat days in the days and months to come. I can't even say I look forward to the holiday meals at Thanksgiving and Christmas because it's always the same. Who knows, maybe it's just because I'm a sucker for JUNK... Oh well.

School is finally back in session, so my days of watching my youngest brother all day long are over, I can't say that I'm too sad about it either! lol I enjoy my alone time, way too much, and having him all summer long can be a pain in my butt, so I am looking forward to having some days to myself until I start this new FT job at the clinic. I'm waiting for my fingerprints and all that jazz to go through, so I should be hearing back this week for a start date. Can't wait to get to it!

I've been tossing around the decision to join a gym, or save my money and do workouts at home, and continue to walk like I occasionally do. The gym I've been considering joining is conveniently located right across the street from where my new job is located. I guess I just wonder how often I will actually go. My schedule is going to be 4 days a week, so I know I may go 4 days. It's not so much that I'm lazy-well maybe a part of me is, but it's more so in that I'm generally in a rush to get home or get someplace to help my mom out with my brother. I'm going to be 28 years old in December, and I'm kind of thinking that I need to put a stop to rushing for everyone else, and be selfish and put myself first.

So, since I was up at weigh in, this means I have to work double extra hard to work off all this festival food I've eaten. It honestly was a pretty bad week, and weekend in general. It was completely controlled by eating out, margaritas, and wine. All delicious of course, but not on the regimen of healthy living and eating.

First things first, I need to workout everyday, twice a day. I have nothing else to do since I'm awaiting clearance for this new job, and I have no children to watch since they will all be in school, so I have no reason not to. PUT AN END TO EXCUSES, and do it!

Without a doubt, I have to lose what I gained for weigh in, plus what I'm up from over the weekend, and hopefully I'll be able to shed an extra pound or 2 in the process.

As for eating, I haven't really been eating the greatest, so I may step back into my Visalus replacement shakes for breakfast and lunch. I'll have to work it out to rid my body of the junk...definitely kick the carbs and get back into fat burning mode, and I plan to keep track of the carbs and calories. Just for this week at least. And With as bad as I was this weekend, I'm thinking about skipping Fridays usual cheat day and going healthy straight through. I can do this!

Friday Weigh In

Well, it's my weigh in day, and of course.... without a plan, without exercise, and without any effort at all I am up 1.6 pounds this week. This is just a little bit of a set back for me and my plan to get GHOE ready. But it's a new week, and I am starting fresh. I'm aiming fro a good loss this week! Back on track I must go!!!

Ripped in 30

I picked this DVD up at Target a few months ago.. I decided I was finally going to open it today and preview it.

Now that I've previewed it, I am going to be starting WEEK 1's exercises this week. She says to exercise 5-6 days a week, but I'm going for all 7. I need to get on track, and the beginners workout for week 1 is very doable. I was worried it being Jillian that she'd go as far as killing me the first day... but maybe not, at least not during the first week..lol. I can do this. It reminds me of the class I went to with my friend Jenell a little while back, and I really enjoyed that class, so I think this is going to be good for me. I just have to do it.

I already started the day off nooot my best. but I still have the rest of the day to recover. I was just starving after I got home from my physical and drug testing... So on the way home I ordered a Venti Nonfat Chai Tea Latte from starbucks AT LEAST it was nonfat...

GETTING GHOE 2013 READY

SO... I've decided that I will be returning to NC for my College Homecoming as an Alumni.... Graduating College I was about 40 pounds lighter, just 3 short years ago.... SOOOOO with that being said.... the pressure is ON to get in tip top shape the next 59 days. (Well as much tip top shape as I can get in 59 days)

I'm getting STRICT on myself!!!

1. COUNT CALORIES.... I'm going to count my calories everything possible and maintain around 1300-everyone tells me its tedious but it works, however it hasn't worked for me in the past, but maybe now I can give it a whirl for the week just to see where I'm at.

2 NO SODA: WATER WATER WATER!!!

3. SWEAT MY ASS OFF: EXERCISE... workout, workout, workout!!!! NO EXCUSES

If I go hard, I know I'll be able to drop 15 pounds for this.... I have to do it! NO exceptions.... it must be done! Once I drop 8 pounds and hit my first *mini* goal that I originally planned, I'll be good to go, no deviation really, just motivation! I need to get focused, stay focused, eat clean, get smart, and do this!

Friday's Weigh In/August Stats/September Goals

Friday Weigh In:
I was only down 0.2 ounces, as I had imagined I would be. I think I spent most of the week working off my binging habits rather than working on new weight loss, but that's ok. I would rather work and maintain, and lose a couple ounces instead of gain! I'm getting so close to the first 25 pounds lost!!!

I'm celebrating that I have LOST my first 5% of weight. Hopefully this month I will be celebrating 10% lost. I am looking forward to what this month has in store for me. New beginnings, and new opportunities await!


AUGUST STATS:

Weight Lost: 4.8 pounds
Total Inches Lost: 2.75 
Total Pounds Lost since starting: 14.8
Total Loss since Heaviest: 18.4

I reached the mini goal weight that I wanted to be. (It's my weight from back in February- I'm actually 1.2 pounds below that mini goal so I'm happy with that.) I'm working on this the best that I can. I always have so much going on it's crazy! One thing I need to do is stop making excuses and exercise.

SEPTEMBER GOALS:

1. For a NON-SCALE GOAL: I would like to be able to wear my rings comfortably again. I can get them on, but their a bit tight, and it actually hurts somewhat. So by the end of the month, I'd like to be able to weat them again.

2. Lose 10 Pounds- This will bring me to my 25 pound goal when I will start posting my actual # weight instead of amount lost.

3. 600 mins of exercise for the month

hmmm

This week really hasn't been going the greatest for me. I don't know what it is. I've sort of been binge eating, but not really bad, My appetite has been increased a bit, but I think it's more or less my level of stress and anxiety I experience. My mother eats horribly, she literally eats candy all day long breakfast lunch and dinner, and I am trying to be healthy and it doesn't help that all this candy and stuff is everywhere to be found in this house.

I haven't really been exercising, I'm not so sure what's up with that.

I haven't been feeling the greatest either, and it's not just the way I've been eating. I'm feeling different, like I may need to schedule a visit with a doctor to be looked at. I know a lot of my problem is stress, and anxiety, but I'm feeling down like i need to go back on my antidepressants and thats not what I want to do. I want to find a way to be content without the medicine.

I know everything takes time, and I am dealing with the final end to an on going on and off relationship, but I think the way I've been living my life in general has really taken it's toll on my emotionally and physically.

It's Tuesday, SO tomorrow, I'm going to get right back on track and hopefully maintain my loss, and not see a gain come weigh in on Friday. I don't mind maintaining, but I have to break the bad habits and emotional binging in order to continue to lose. The rest of the week, I am definitely going to have to do some exercising.

motivate me

WEIGH IN FRIDAY :)

Not today ladies and gentlemen!! The scale is tipping in my favor! Down another 2.4 pounds!!!

I've been sitting here thinking about how I only post my loss in pounds and never my actual weight. SO I'm thinking that when I hit my 25 pound mark of pounds lost, I will start to post my actual weight instead of the pounds lost or gained. In a way I believe the embarrassment of the number will hold me more accountable to putting in the effort to make it go down!

One more week left in the month, means one more weigh in for me.... I know I'm not going to be down 10 pounds... but any loss is better than no loss at all. I'm putting in the effort with doing my best to eat less, and healthier, I'm working on exercise- but I'm going to get it where i need to be.

Tomorrow

Well, tomorrow is fast approaching, and It's WEIGH IN DAY!...

Confessions:

1. I didn't eat the best, I had my cheat day on Friday, then I went on another binge a couple days later just eating whatever.

2. I didn't walk everyday. I only walked 3 days, but 3 days is more than I have been doing in the past. I need to keep adding to it.

So now that I got that out of the way....

I am hoping for a loss, but I don't know how much weight I've actually lost. I don't even care, just as long as it is not a gain. I can't get results over night, and I am a huge work in progress!

It's been quite an emotional week with my personal life, but I'm ok. It's going to get better, I just have to keep my eye on the prize. Everything comes to an end, no matter how good or bad the situation be. It is what it is, and if it was meant to be then it would still be, and it's not. I'm working on myself and worrying about myself more than anything because I've put everyone before me for far too long.

My anxiety has been crazy, but I made the decision to go off of all those medications and I am just trying to handle everything the best that I can.

We're vastly approaching the last week of August, and I am making some choices to do some pre-fall cleaning. I'm packing up the things I don't want and no longer need. I'm also packing away the memories that make me have emotions that I need to tuck away now. Love is such a tricky thing. But I'm going to be OK.

SO... lets see what happens tomorrow! Tomorrow is a NEW day!

Exercise with a little noticed progression!

Well, today I haven't had much of an appetite, and I really cannot complain, the less calories I consume the better off I am!

I did some laundry today, so I've been up and down the basement times probably 20 times. I'm counting it as exercise lol. I also went for a 2.1 mile walk around the neighborhood like I generally do. I feel better having done it. I just have to make it a habit.

WEEKLY GOAL:

WALK 2.1 Miles EVERYDAY(until weigh in Friday)

I was looking at myself in the mirror today, and I was trying to notice if I could see where the 12.2 pounds were lost, and I do see it a little bit. So I'm happy, it makes me want to keep going and to be better!

12.2 pounds lost.

 

Actually, Since the picture on the left, I have lost 16.2 pounds but since I started my Journey for the millionth time on June 25th, I am only down 12.2 pounds. It's been a fluctuating battle, but I have to keep going no matter the gain or loss! My weight is such a roller coaster, but I feel like I can see a bit of a difference in my stomach area, not much but enough.

I've worked out a method to my madness. HAHA! I've decided that until further notice or plans, my cheat days will be after I weigh in on Friday mornings. If I solely have 1 cheat day to eat 1 cheat meal a week and I do it the day of my weigh in, that literally gives me the entire week to work it off, and I can live with that! It prevents me from being sooo discouraged by the results of my bad habits!

At this point I'm not so sure I will reach my goal of losing 10 pounds this month, if so that means I need to lose 8 more pounds, I'm hoping for about 5 more though. But that means I am really going to have to work for it!

I've also started taking vitamins, and it's really helping with my energy!
Women's One A Day Energy Multi-vitamin
B Complex
Biotin (hair skin and nail growth a must have!)
Folic Acid (eventually I'd like to have children, being a nurse and knowing the importance I want to make sure its abundant in my system)

Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend!

Friday Weigh In!!

I weighed in this morning and I am happy to say I am down 3 pounds this week! For a total of 12.2 pounds! I am so freaking happy! I weighed what I weigh today back in February when I had started weight watchers and gotten sick with the flu and couldn't keep anything down. It's definitely been hard this week, and I cheated here n there, but I still feel good knowing I'm down 3 pounds! I just need to keep this up.

I only worked out 2 days this week. That's still something I am trying to enforce but I struggle with wanting to do it! 2 days is better than no days!

I hope everyone has a fantabulous Friday!

The soup diet: FRUIT DAY

7 days of the soup.

I started out today. I have to say it's not so bad. However, I did make a mistake I had my usual cup of coffee with half and half and 1 splenda this morning. Oooops!

So, minus that little mistake, I have been doing really well. I had cantaloupe and watermelon for breakfast. I had a bowl of soup for lunch with a few chunks of watermelon, and I plan to eat it again for dinner with some more cantaloupe and watermelon chunks, and maybe some granny smith apple slices.

The soup itself I actually tweeked just the slightest bit. I added some minced garlic and red pepper flakes to spice it up a bit. It's really good. I happen to really like it. I don't know about anyone elses taste, but I don't mind it at all. I don't add any salt or anything extra. I also did crushed tomatoes instead of diced because I grabbed the wrong kind when I was shopping, but either way it still tastes great.

I think I can definitely commit and follow this for 7 days. I'm all in! Can't wait to see what the scale says come weigh in day this Friday!

Now the hard part... FORCING EXERCISE.

This is my new Motto! I love it! That is what I need to do.... SUCK IT UP and do the exercise, I'm tired of sucking it in. I just need to get going and make it a routine in my life.

Soup!

I came across this on pinterest, and if I'm thinking correctly its the same thing as the cabbage soup diet.

It's crazy but I think I may do this, just because I love soups. I don't know why but I absolutely do. I love throwing all the ingredients in a crockpot and letting them simmer away. I also love making things that I can store nicely in the fridge and eat all week, especially soups. I don't get sick of them. I could eat them for every meal everyday. Even the same one. I realize that sounds strange, but that's me!

I have a birthday party to go to tomorrow afternoon, my friends daughter is turning 4, so I am taking my niece, and I swear that is my last encounter with cake for the rest of August.... wait, actually my mom's birthday is August 13th SO THAT would be my last encounter with cake, but I'm thinking I am going to pass on the cake. I will be fine without. Especially because I am so curious to see if this cleanse really works. 10 pounds really? We'll see... especially since I worked out a 5 day a week workout schedule. I actually already take all the vitamins listed as well, I started adding those in because I don't eat right- well I shouldn't say right, my pattern of eating is just all over lately, I just eat whatever is around, and it's generally not well balanced.

So after the party, I'm going to make a little list of the additional items i will need that I didn't get at the farmers produce stand, and get from the grocery store. I'm kind of excited. :)

Changes...

I changed my weigh in to Fridays, because my biggest screw up is always on the weekends, and weighing on Tuesdays shows exactly where I went wrong.... So hopefully going back to weighing in on Fridays will show me that I can have results even with my slip ups and not discourage me like it has a habit of doing.

I weighed in this morning, and I am down 0.6 ounces... a loss is a loss! SO my next weigh In will be next friday. Hoping to lose that 1.4 plus a little extra and move up from my 10 pound loss.

Doing my Best!

Figured it out :) Got it together...

Today's ship has sailed. LONG GONE by now. I'm awake as I usually am, one thing I just can't seem to get right is sleeping. I think it's all that I carry on my mind.

I sat down, and I went over EVERYTHING I have, and where I have had my most success, and where most of my failure comes from.

All last week, I did not keep track of anything I ate, I just ate, and guessed and a little here and there, and I ended up gaining 2 pounds. I also don't drink enough water. Starbucks runs through my veins. All Nurses KNOW- that's how we make it through. And when it comes to food, I have no plan. I'm strictly a eater of convenience 80% of the time. I've also been craving juice- which is extremely ODD because I gave up juice a LONG time ago, because there's no sense in drinking all that sugar and wasting calories.

I'm completely against buying the pre-packaged meals like smartones even though I've done it in the past. They just have so much sodium, and so many unhealthy chemicals in them to make them last longer. One thing I am going to do tomorrow before all else, is head over to the little produce market and get some fresh locally grown produce. I HATE TOPS grocery store produce, and I am in no mood to venture to Wegman's because being in there is just pure chaos for me, and even though Wal-Mart is cheaper, I'm just not in the mood to deal with the Canadians who make their way over and buy up everything because it's cheaper (sorry to my Canadian family, but you know how it is!)

I am however a huge fan of Low Carb just because the feeling of fullness in itself is worth it. However, I get so bored with it. Protein and veggies... and I love rice with butter, how do I give it up.... I love FRESH fruit too, but if I'm going to do this, I have to put my foot down and get strict with carbs, and eliminate them. It's just so hard because I feel like my family purposely sabotages me, because they offer it to me, and I politely say NO meanwhile I'm SCREAMING INSIDE TO GO THE HELL AWAY!!, and they offer again, only this time getting closer and saying "Are you suuuuuure, it's just so yummy." I'm my father's daughter, I'm addicted to sweets- I cave.

Because of the sweet tooth I inherited from my father, when I lived in North Carolina, I would go on very strict diets- It was different then, I had so much more self control than I do at this point in my life- I think it's because so much of me has changed and been lost in the last 3 years {significantly}(thats a story for another day)-- but when I would junk food binge- I would go all out crazy that would leave my family asking "ARE YOU SURE SHE'S NOT PREGNANT"-- LOL my mom always responds that I'm exactly like my father. I did get that gene, and his big ears of course... WHAT I DID NOT GET THOUGH.... is his METABOLISM.............................. Lucky me.

I have a plan in mind, on what is going to work best for me. I came to this conclusion after going through old journals where I lost all the weight originally in my Freshman year of College, back when AOL Journals was the thing...and that was my source of social media and support in addition to me habit of journaling my life (when I have time). Of course, I'm not 19 years old anymore, so my body has changed quite a bit over time, but if this worked for me THEN, I'm going to make it work for me NOW.

Exercise.... I HATE IT. There is nothing about sweating like a pig for no reason that sounds appealing... OH but there IS A REASON... it burns calories. I have to suck it up and do it. Tell me, myself, and I just to shut up and get over it. If I want this, I have to work for it, just like I worked hard for all those degrees of mine.

I'm going to do it! watch and see :)

GET IT TOGETHER....

7 days into the month and I'm already messing up, and being lazy.

What is wrong with me? Why is this so hard? Why can't this be easy? Why can't I enjoy exercising? Why can't I make it a non-excusable routine in my life? Why do I fight it?

I do well in the beginng and then I just completely mess everything up!!!

Yesterday was weigh In, and I was up 2 pounds-- I guess that's ok because I've been bad, but still. I've been so happy with my 10 pounds that I didn't think I would turn around and mess it all up.

It's a new day. I just cannot give up.

If others can do it! So can I

Sore today...

I worked out on the 31st, that was more cardio than anything. Because of the walking and jogging I did- waaay out of shape is all I can say

I kick started my month of August with a long and lean toning class at the gym with my friend Jenell. She called and asked me to go to her gym with her, because she has a visitors pass, so I went. I still haven't been feeling well because I've been sick, but I've been pushing through and making the effort to make changes in my life.

I LOVED the class, it was so simple, but at the same time I felt the burn, and I am most definitely feeling the burn in my muscles from the weights. I deviated from the plan on the first day of my 30 day challenge, but the truth is.. in that class I did weigh more than the what was on my day 1 schedule. I really liked the class, but there's no sense in my joining that gym because I know I will not drive the 30-45 mins it takes to get there. Maybe I can find something closer to my home than hers and go on my own, but it was nice to have a partner to work out with.

I often try to get my mother to go walking or workout with me, but she never wants to. She also doesn't help with healthy eating in this house.. So i blame a tiny part of my failure on her because she enables me to eat JUNK food. If I didn't live at home, and was on my own, I wouldn't have the excuse because I would shop for myself, and keep a lot of things out of my fridge and cabinets.  Enough about that.

I don't know what to do about goals. I know I want to see my body change in measurements and thats what I intend to do, but I also would like to see some weight loss, so I'm going to stick to my monthly goal of 10 pounds. I have a number in mind that I would like to get down to. It's just such a process. It's not a HUGE loss, but it's about 22 pounds. Right now I am down 10 pounds, so really thats only 12 more pounds to go to get back to the number I have in mind. It's a number that sticks in my mind from when I met a certain someone in my life. So I'd like to lose the 12 pounds to get back to that it's only 2 pounds more than my ORIGINAL 10 pound goal.... so I am just going to have to work really hard this month. And I have the time!!

One thing I dislike about exercise though is how much it increases my appetite. I hate to exercise at night before bed, because then it tags on an additional 2 hours before falling asleep. Maybe for me, it's going to make a difference if I exercise first thing in the morning before all else, and then go for my morning coffee and breakfast. I will have to try it.

I had a doctors appointment today, so I of course brought up my concern being my weight. She gave me some literature to read, that new research is showing that for WOMEN in order to really lose weight it is completely necessary to workout and exercise a minimum of 5 days a week, and for MEN- their minimum requirements for healthy living is 3 days a week. Just another charge at the cost of being a woman, as if things aren't hard enough already! lol

So with that in mind, I am no longer sticking to my 3 days a week rule. I have to get in 5 days of exercise regardless of my 30 day challenge or not. I have to do it.

UPDATE

So my measurements.... I NEVER WANT TO SEE NUMBERS LIKE THESE AGAIN!!!!!

I know I'm still at the top end of my highest weight ever, but I'm still in a mindset that my body can handle what it used to when I was 50 pounds lighter, and it just cannot. I am much slower paced than I was before, and my ankles and knees just dont handle the weight so well when jogging. I definitely am no where near being able to run because the strain on my joints is a bit much. I know it's all this extra weight. But I pushed and did what I could.

I completed the first mission on the Zombie run, and I'm not gonna lie, they say to run throughout the whole thing, but I just can't I walked most of it, and jogged as I could. My body is in no shape to do any running, but I pushed through it and completed my first mission. I get a little confused sometimes though because the app kinda goes silent for periods of time, and from what I'm getting is I'm supposed to be running during those 10 minute silences, but I just can't I tried to do intervals of jogging for as much as i could, then walking to catch my breath, then going back to jogging. I spent more time walking though because my body is waaaay out of shape.

I just keep telling myself today was only the first day, it's going to get easier, but at least I got up and finished it!

The mission itself was about 32 mins. I did it around my neighborhood which is a 2.1 mile walk so in all it took me about 45 mins to complete.

I CANNOT GIVE UP.

Last day of the month...

Today is my brothers 25th birthday. I don't know where time has gone. I feel so old saying my brothers are 25 and 11- people generally tend to think the 11 year old is mine. Buuuuuuuuuut he's not. Anyhoo- I'm trying to avoid cake and junk. lol

Today I'm taking my measurements to see where I am starting at on this 1 month journey of fitness/exercise. I'm not going to post them until the end of the month when I have my comparison results. So for now, I'll write them down and keep them in a spot for safe keeping and later posting.

I don't care if I don't feel the greatest... I AM going to start my c25k app today. I think the first day is only a 32 minute workout and consists of mostly walking, so I am going to get up and get myself going with this app. I think I read all the reviews posted for it, and everyone loved it, and said that once you get past the initial stages you get really involved in the story line, and feel guilty if you skip a workout and don't keep up with the story, so I am very interested in seeing how true this is for me.

I read all the things about statistics and how long it will take to make and break a habit, and it looks as though the happy medium is somewhere around 21 days. So THREE weeks. It seems like such a long time, but in actuality those 3 weeks will fly by like they never even came. So, that was a major reason why I am forcing myself to commit to the 30 days because every 4 days is a rest day according to these calendars. I want to make changes in my lifestyle and I WANT to see RESULTS.... I just have to get together the energy and will power. I am already saying I have to and NEED to do this, my mind is there, but I just need to get over other things causing my problems in my life and FORCE myself to get through. It's always the hardest in the beginning. And this 10 pound loss from July is some motivation, but not enough on its own. SO OFF I GO.... to do what I need to do. :)

July Monthly Progress

Today was my last weigh in for this month, and I LOST exactly 10 pounds (I had a .4 ounce gain, and I know it's from my period, so it's no big deal to me).

July has been my best month yet!!

Tomorrow I am taking my measurements since it's the last day in the month, and the the day after that is August 1st! So my 30 day challenge will begin very shortly. I printed off my 30 day calendars and hung them on the back of my bedroom door so that I always look at them as a reminder that things need to get done! 

Of course I would like to see another 10 pound loss for the month of August, but this month like I said before, I am really focusing more on the numbers when it comes to the exercise. I have to make exercise a part of my life. I don't have a choice. It has to be done. It's a necessity for me if I am ever going to get this weight off. The only problem I face with exercising, is it increasing my metabolism and my want to eat because of an increased appetite. I'm not so much going to be counting calories. I am just going to use common sense, and make better choices instead of sitting down for Pizza and wings like the family ordered last night, I'll make myself a salad and grill some chicken or something. It has to be something SENSIBLE.

One goal I also have for the month is that if it lasts for longer than a week, I probably shouldn't eat it. I'm going to go with fresh veggies, and fruits and fill up on those instead of filling up on boxed pastas and pre-packaged frozen dinners which generally have tons of preservatives and tons of sodium in them.

I also need to drink more water. Plain ol' water. I drink a lot, but here lately I've been drinking regular ginger ale like crazy, but I think it's because it settles my stomach when I don't feel well.

Im so happy about my 10 pound loss! It's time to keep this up!

August 30 Day Challenge....

I've decided to make a 30 day Challenge for myself. I'm going to be using 3 of the 30 day workout schedule calendars to follow from August 1st to August 30th. I have to commit to these next 30 days to MAKE THIS A HABIT!!!!

SQUATS

ARMS

ABS

I plan to take my latest measurements August 1st, so that after 30 days of these sem-intense toning exercises I will hopefully see some results. I'm doing this because I want to see a difference in my measurements. I'm not going to focus so much on the number on the scale this month. I more so want to see what exercise is going to do for my body.

I'll also be doing cardio which will range from 30-60 minutes a day.
These activities will probably consist of the 2 mile walk around my neighborhood, as well as Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred, and I am really going to try to commit to the 6 week Zombies Run C25K app.

I'm pretty confident in saying that I have maintained my 10 pound loss for the month of July, However, after my 10 day prescription of Provera to force my period, I am definitely feeling the effects of having it! I finally got it, after going without it for over 2 months. I'm hoping that since this medication caused it, that it will now regulate my body back to normal, even though this isn't typical of the "norm" for me. I know my weight has caused many changes in me, so I'm a work in progress trying to get HEALTHY again.

August is going to be my month! I'm going to form the habit of EXERCISING, and I am going to change my body.

Feeling like real.....CRAP

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like death has consumed me. I feel sick, and I can barely eat anything at all. I've been trying to eat hear and there, but my stomach is so upset it's not working the greatest. I know it's not healthy, but in being positive maybe I'll drop a few pounds while I'm at it.

I'm so bored, and all I do is sleep, I deactivated my facebook because I just need a break from the rest of the world. I have no energy at all, but my family is on vacation so I have a ton of time to myself. I turned on my computer and decided to sort through some old files. I went through my photobucket and I have some photos on there from when I was at my skinniest, and Ive looked at some recent photo's of myself that I had my brother take for me recently and I've been very disgusted. I've lost 11.4 pounds so far, but it is not even close to showing a difference. Once I get the energy and my strength back up I am going to have to put in some real work and effort in getting myself back to ME.

Because who I am right now at the weight I am right now... IS NOT COOL. I feel horrible, I look horrible, I have to make the changes and I have to be strict, yes, I'm human but it's no excuse, if I want it I really have to work for it. There's no quick fix. and there's NO MORE EXCUSES!!!

Motivation!!!

A motivating factor....

One of the biggest things that disgusts me, are all those bright lights in a fitting room, that just let you SEE EVERY FLAW ON YOUR BODY.... ugh, as if it isn't already hard enough trying on clothes, you have those bright lights, and extra big mirrors..... ::Sigh::: it is what it is-- for now that it.

I decided that since I SO badly dislike the way I look with or without clothing on, that I would take a photo or two in a bra and some panties, and keep them handy so that when I feel like I'm going off the deep end into chocolate heaven, I can sneak a peak at those photos, and STOP right in my tracks. My biggest craving is chocolate.... it kills me every time. There's no stop or end for me when it comes to chocolate.

I laugh because when I worked at Applebee's some time ago- I swear I ate a Triple Chocolate Meltdown EVERY SINGLE DAY I WORKED.... Needless to say, back then I could afford to eat those because I was about 60 pounds lighter. Calories weren't so much an issue back then. But then one day, I decided to look up the calorie content of a triple chocolate meltdown, and if my memory serves me correctly- it was about 1500 calories.................................. haven't had one in forever because of it!

EXERCISE EXERCISE EXERCISE..... that's what I'm working on.
I downloaded the craziest App on my phone. it was $1.99, but I thought hey lets check it out, it might be fun. It's called Zombies, Run! Its a c25k app that has a whole story line, it's actually pretty cool, you put your ear buds in, and it gives you the story, and walks you through the vacant town, and little community of humans non zombie (I usually Imagine The Walking dead) but then it goes into tell you when to jog, and when to run from the zombies... it's the craziest thing... but I think it may work for me to get me to run a 5K. I can't even walk half the time, let alone run, so it's going to be a work in progress, but supposedly if you follow through and do it as it's instructed you'll be able to run a 5k in about 6 weeks. We'll see. I haven't started it yet, I just downloaded it today, and went through the program to see what it was about. I really think I am going to enjoy it. The first week is alot of walking around and getting used to the story line. So wish me luck. If I can get through it, then my plan is to sign up for the dirty girl mud run in September. :)

I AM GOING TO DO THIS!!

Weigh In Day, :)

Well, I am happy to say that even though this journey is the biggest battle and struggle of my life, I am down 4.2 pounds from last weigh in. For me, I'm ecstatic, because its the most I've lost in quite some time. My goal is too keep up with these 10 pound increments. These goals are small, but have the ability to get me where I want to be for myself, and where I need to be for my health.

One thing I slack on is exercise, and as I said before... Maybe walking just isn't cutting it. Maybe I need a more invigorating- is that the right word? Workout to help me meet my goals. That is still something I need to work on.

I've cut down my portion sizes to about half of what I was eating, and I eat small things about every 4 hours. It seems to help me when it comes to waiting hours to eat and feeling famished. That's when I over eat. I'm still horrible at my water intake. I read all these blogs where ppl, are drinking over 100 ounces of water plus some because new weight loss research tells everyone to drink half your body weight in clear plain ol water everyday. I don't know that I'm necessarily in agreence with that because it makes the kidneys work so much harder.

Last spring I bought the cutest jeans. They were on sale when I bought them, so I didn't mind purchasing them to sit in my closet and be my silent motivator. I'm hoping that I can fit them by the time Fall settles in. Their not exactly my ultimate goal jeans, but maybe they are. I don't really know how much weight I need to lose to fit into these jeans. I've even gone as far as cleaning out my old clothes from the different stages of my weight, I have some size 8s, and I have some 10s and 12s. I think I've looked good at all stages, but right now I'm leaning toward losing enough weight to comfortably fit back into my size 12s and that's what these jeans are, a 12. i got rid of a ton of clothes that I had. It was hard to do. I think I was just emotionally attached to the person I was when I wore these clothes, compared to whether I'd ever truly where them again. A lot of it, is from college and some of my biggest party days in Greensboro....and well lord knows I couldn't be seen in the same outfit more than once, and their not everyday clothes either, so they needed to go :)

Crazily enough, even though the number on the scale had been up from the week prior, my measurements had been down. I think that's a motivator too because the scale is not always my friend. He's generally very mean. I know this is going to be a rough road, and probably even a real slow process for me, but now that the numbers are going down, I feel more motivated to keep on track. I need to stay focused on the bigger picture and take it month my month, or day by day if I have to.

1 more weigh in for July, then I'm gonna see another 10 pound loss for August! I can do it!

Completely fell off the wagon....

I hate it.

It seems impossible to do. It's the biggest of my battles, and the worst of my struggles.

I started out SO WELL I lost 9.4 pounds, and then I gained. I didn't gain all of it back, but I gained enough. 3.2. I know this is something I need to work at, but sometimes I just wish it came a little easier.

I get so excited to start something, and low-carb I'm ok eating that way, once I get passed the first few days.   And I do enjoy the veggies, and the protein, but then I get bored, and the minute I eat something with a high carb content, i immediately gain the weight right back.

I just don't know what to do. I went to the doctor. I'm not pregnant, but I have some other issues going on with my body. They sent me for a metabolic panel, as well as all types of blood work for my thyroid and they say it's normal. I've stopped ALL medications- everything, and my weight isn't adjusting. So now what? What do I do now? I especially don't understand because my appetite has decreased so significantly because of the heat, I just don't have the energy to eat! I don't know what to do next? A diet pill?

I walk a couple days a week around the neighborhood, it's a 2 mile walk, but maybe that it's going to work for me. MAYBE, I'm the type of person that has to sweat until I'm throwing up from working out so hard, because just the walk isn't doing enough.

I was hired in the hospital that I wanted to work at, so I am happy that I am going to have more of a set schedule, and routine, I want to be on my feet and moving around more because it'll help me hopefully lose some weight, instead of those long classes sitting on my butt.

It's going to be a long process, but I can't give up.

I'm back....

Well, I'm back, and tomorrow is weigh In for me, so I'm not sure how well I've done. I haven't done much exercising at all. I NEED TO EXERCISE, even if it's only 30 minutes a day, I have to do something! Even eating was hit or miss. I been going through so much, that I haven;t had much of an appetite. I actually just started eating again today, like a normal person. I think it's just my stress and anxiety.

It's been a rough week, however I took my NCLEX boards and passed, I received my license in the mail today. SO THANK GOD it's over with!!! I couldn't be happier! 

I've gone to the doctor and I have a ton of stuff going on with me. I'm waiting on blood work results, so hopefully that will give me some idea of what is going on with me. It's just such a pain in the butt to try so hard to lose weight, and get absolutely no where, but like I said, I know there are some reasons going on with my body that my weight loss is slow going. 

I need to get back on my A game with my low carb way. It's been a hectic week, and I even ate KFC today because that's what my mom brought home for dinner, nothing low carb about breaded chicken mashed potatoes and corn.... oh well tomorrow is a new day. I'll figure it out. 

We'll see what tomorrow holds.

2 week Weigh In

Well, I don't have much time to post about anything going on in my life. But I did want to stop by and say that I am down a total of 9.4 pounds in 2 weeks which is awesome to me!! I am happy with that. Hopefully I can just keep the numbers going down.

I have my boards tomorrow and I am SO NERVOUS i don't know what to do. My heart was broken yesterday by the man I love- so I'm trying to get through everything the best that I possibly can. All I want to do is lay down and cry but I won't let myself. This is a chapter closed in my life. Time to move on no matter how hard it may seem!

Fourth of July Fun and Induction

Yesterday was a pretty busy day with the holiday and all, so I really didn't get the opportunity to post about anything.

I struggled with the decision of it being a holiday and staying completely on track with induction or splurging since some things I rarely get- only about once a year.

I was good, I managed to get through the cookout with just a steak a little steak sauce and a corn on the cob ( i understand its not induction friendly, but for the carb count I had, I could afford that splurge) a little whipped topping for dessert when it came time for all the cakes:::sigh:::. Then once we hit off to Fantasy Island for the fireworks, well that's where I went ahead and ate the fried dough. I rarely get those, so I splurged there and went off my diet. My body definitely is in the works of changing because after a little bit, I was so tired from the sugar, and i started to get symptoms of sugar dumping- first being the mild blurred vision. It's funny that in just 9 days your body can rid yourself of the sugar and know that it hasn't had it in a while, so the reaction time of taking in junk like that is extremely noticable.

On another note, I picked right back where I left off and am continuing on without any set backs. I knew one way or another... something was going to get me, and I would eat it because I do struggle with food issues. I'm happy with the fact that I chose not to overdue it though! I ate in moderation and moved on. It's a new Day!

Once again in my life, I am mending a broken heart, I just want things to change and be different, and I want to keep him in my life, I don't have time to deal with it, so I'll put it off ... back to studying- boards in just a few days!!

Pinterest Arm Workouts

I've suddenly become completely addicted to pinterest! I didn't realize until now all these wonderful inexpensive workouts that can be done at home! This is exactly what I need! I've had gym memberships, and I have an elliptical and I have a treadmill, but I SO EASILY get bored with these things. I also have a collection of workout DVDs that I can use, however.... back to pinterest. I found some really great things on there for toning, and working out without the monthly expense of a gym.

One of my trouble areas

My arms are on thing I absolutely dislike about myself. Button up shirts with sleeves that don't stretch generally tend to be something I can't buy because their too tight on my arms. My measurements are ridiculous. One of the major goals I have is to tone my arms so that shirts like these as well as jackets fit me better.

One thing I also want to get into is Yoga. I know me and Yoga? Yes... I want to use it as more of a stress reliever and relaxer that has toning benefits. So I found another great workout to try.




 I also found another workout using water bottles! This seems so easy! I'm going to be doing these very often!

A New Day

Last night I seemed to struggle a little bit for a couple of reasons. I was in the mood for a treat, and exercise increases your appetite.

I went on that 2 mile bike ride yesterday evening, and my appetite had definitely increased by the evening. I ate a little bit of a larger dinner, and then treated myself with a snack of cheesecake pudding make with almond milk because I wanted something to eat. My carb intake was within range, until the pudding- each serving has 6 carbs in it. I ate more than my share... I should've divided it into individual containers, but I thought I could manage. Needless to say, I ate a little over 2 servings- nearly the whole package. I'm thinking I was around 30, or just a little over 30 carbs

Today is a new day, and there's no more pudding, so I am free and clear to avoid it!! lol  But I am going to go on from here and get back on track with my 20 carbs as closely as possible, as well as getting in my exercise and handling my increased appetite with another approach- drinking water. I am definitely slacking on my goal of 64 oz a day. I'm maybe getting in 20-40 and a cup of coffee.

I've been sleeping with my air conditioner on at night because it has been brutally hot in my upstairs bedroom, and now I seem to have the start of a stiff neck, or a kink in it- something. I dont know.

I may venture out to the store this afternoon to get some stuff to try out this little recipe. They sound yummy enough!

Cream Cheese Mints Recipe

~ sweet, minty, and melt-in-your-mouth creamy!

Ingredients:
8 ounces soft cream cheese
6 tablespoons soft butter
3/4 teaspoon pure peppermint extract (NOT mint extract)
Add Splenda or any non calorie sweetener to taste--
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 drops red food coloring

Combine and push mint mixture into a pastry bag, icing syringe or squeeze bottle with a decorative tip. Create desired shapes for mints. Let set 1 hour.

2 mile Bike ride

I AM OUT OF SHAPE!!! Let's face it, unless you're a natural born gym-rat then working out sucks in the beginning... especially when you have extra pounds to lug around trying to do it.

I said to my youngest brother lets go for a bike ride, and as he was getting ready I started talking myself out of going.. but I said the heck with it because I knew I HAD TO. It was quick, but it was a bit of work for me. It's so disappointing to me because I could fly through that ride no problem last summer... Putting on an extra 40 pounds since then- was not ideal-- like I said-- side effects of the medication. :::sigh:::: it's such a set back in my battle.

It's a beautiful day, and the view during the ride made it so much more worth the time of actually doing it. I have to look on the brighter side of things. Exercising may not be fun, but I should be appreciating the sun on this beautiful day, and the scenery around me. I am not going to take the simple things for granted.

There is no quick fix. I have to start somewhere. It's only hard in the beginning, so the more I go the easier it will get.

SOCD

My scale OCD is kicking in. In my head I know today is the 1 week mark of the first week of Induction, and I am dying to know what I lost. I think it's because I wonder if I follow through with my plan a second week, and am strict with my plan- I can match that number for weigh in. I doubt it a little though. I'm one of the metabolisms that are slow and process things on turtle mode. When Others are losing those 9-14 pounds in just the first week, I'm the one who loses generally loses 6 every time. But I have to keep in mind 6 is a big number to drop when my goal is 2- 2.5 a week. 

I was looking at stuff that I kept from my weight loss last year and I've decided that my first true goal of weight loss is going to be what I was when I started doing low carb last summer (before I gave up). That means my first goal is to lose approximately 29 pounds. (NOT in my first induction phase.) Actually depending on how things go with weigh in July 9th, I may or may no stay on Induction another week, because surprisingly I'm actually pretty content with the way I'm eating and limiting my carbs. I've been checking regularly my ketosis level, and I've been in Moderate, which for me is very rare because I usually tend to stick around trace/small ketosis. I'm happy to be in moderate. In moderate, I feel like it's working- maybe it's just my mental tactic but I of course will take it, if it's going to keep my motivated.

Multi-vitamins, I really need to get back on track with taking a multi-vitamin daily. I used to be so good about taking one, but ever since I stopped pretty much all my medications, it's hard to get into the routine of taking pills again. I need to set up my daily pill box and pop those vitamins in there. Even eating properly, living in Buffalo, people in this area generally are vitamin deficient- especially of vitamin D, others as well. So needless to say- it's important I get back to taking this!

One thing I have to keep in mind is that even if I'm not seeing results in the number on the scale, I am going to find results elsewhere in measurements. I made the mistake of not taking recent measurements before I started Induction, but my weight didn't change too much from the ones I last took on May 24th. So I'm pretty sure I was pretty much the same there. To keep my mind at ease, I did take measurements this morning, and in comparison to May, I've lost a little bit. My waist actually is down 1 whole inch. When I look at it from this perspective, it's actually helpful in keeping me on track and off the scale. One thing I know is when you work so hard for it, and you don't see a number decrease on the scale like you feel it should be, then its a set up for failure, so measurements are one of the best ways to stay focused, and motivated.

I Can do this!!

July Goals

1. Drink 64oz water a day

2. Cardio 3 days/ week minimum

3. Weights 2 days/week minimum

4. Pass NCLEX Exam (mental health goal lol)

5. Stay between 1500-1800 calories per Atkins guidelines

6. Lose 10-15 pounds (including weight loss from starting week in June)

7. Celebrate a Non-Scale Victory

8. Explore the areas of Buffalo for athletic/exercise purposes

P.S. check out the new section MY STORY

Induction: Week 1

So, last week Tuesday, I decided that low-carb is how I am going to lose this weight. I am always struggling with my weight, but in all the things I have tried. LOW CARB is what honestly makes me feel better. Without the carbs, I feel like I have more energy without all the sugar weighing me down.

I am feeling positive and motivated! The first 3 days were a bit testy for me, but they always are. I pushed through, and the cravings for sugar has subsided... besides who can turn down a lifestyle of extra crispy chicken wings, and bacon!!

I'm coming to the end of my first week as Tomorrow starts my second week. I made myself promise not to peek on the scale until the first 2 weeks of the recommended induction are up. That means weigh in day is going to be July 9th. I'm excited to step on the scale because I know I am going to see results. But we all know i suffer from Scale OCD so this has been my biggest challenge thus far.

I've read in the book that you shouldn't exercise the first week, and just use the first week to get used to eating differently. SO... tomorrow starts common sense work out!!!

I am now off all medications I was previously taking, I have gotten used to and changed the way I am eating, and I am honestly feeling so much better. It's been a bit of a transition, but lord knows where there is a will there is a way, and I will find it one way or another.... so what if sometimes I do things the hard way....lol eventually I get where I need to be!

This week I am going to aim for my 2 mile walk around the neighborhood like I usually do. At least 3 times this week, but there's really no reason for me not to do it everyday just depends on how my ankle holds up.

Starting over

It seems like everyday, or every week I am starting over.

I made a doctor's appointment, but they aren't able to fit me in until April. I know there is something wrong because I do not feel "right" I know the amount of weight I have gained has something to do with it. I also feel like my weight gain is due to the anxiety/antidepressant I was put on back in the summer.

I can lose one week, and follow the same plan the next week and gain. I don't know what that means. I think I either needs my meds switched to something different or I need to be taken off them and find a way to deal with my problems on my own.

The worst part of everything is I am physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. This past saturday I literally slept the entire day with no explanation. All I want to so is sleep. My energy level is beyond wiped out, and though school is stressful, it actually isn't that bad. I just don't have the energy to put into studying- It's as if I can't think about anything other than sleeping, or taking or nap, or just plain out laying down. That is not like me. I know I suffer from depression, but even as depressed as I have been in the past, I still was functional.

I've now resorted to tracking my calories on myfitnesspal since it has a convenient little scanner that I can use to scan barcodes. I am still doing replacement shakes for some of my meals, and am eating much healthier. I am also incorporating exercise as often as possible, though I know it is not nearly enough to lose the amount of weight that I want to lose.

Everyday is a challenge for me, but I'm not going to give up. I am trying to eat about 1200 calories a day, and exercise at least 30 mins whenever possible. I really wish the weather would warm up because I would really like to get out there and start doing some walking or bike riding. I have the intentions and attitude to stay active, but I don't know what it is that won't allow me to follow through. The thought alone makes me feel so tired. Sometimes I'm so tired, I literally cry- and there's no reason for it. I just want to feel like myself again, and I don't know what it's going to take to get there. I just cant wait to go to the doctor. Hopefully, I can get some answers to my questions on why I feel so poorly all the time.

Next week is the last week for my biggest loser competition and I am exactly where I started. I have no lost any wight. They want to do it again after Easter, so hopefully I will have more success the second go round.

A day at a time... I just want to lose 1-2 pounds a week. I just want to feel better.

March is Here....

And I'm all over the place!!

So my week on Atkins I lost 6 pounds, that second week, following the exact same thing I did the first week, I literally gained 7....I gained more than I lost.

I have NO IDEA what is wrong with me... AT ALL. I called and make an appointment with the doctor, because something has to be wrong. I cut out all carbs, with the exception of 20-25 grams I followed it to a T. and I seriously gained what I lost plus a pounds. HOW IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME!!!

I know I'm stressed with school, and I'm going to crazy, but this weight issue is bothering me even more.

I had gone to the store and needed to get some scrubs because mine are getting snug- and that pisses me off.  I went into the dressing room, and undressed, trying on XL pants and shirts which were still pretty snug, and all I could think was what the HELL...because my scrubs I wear now are larges and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I'm not happy. I look terrible. I have seriously let myself go...in many areas of my life.

My number one problem is that I have NO full length mirror in my house. I don't know what I look like or how I look. So- my next purchase on Wednesday is going to be a Full Length mirror for my bedroom.

I will also be purchasing my elliptical and I am going to use the heck out of that. I don't know what else to do. I'm always fighting this battle.... I'm so tired of it, there's no easy fix for me....

Dependency

I literally depend on food... It's sad.

My family ordered out for dinner tonight. I made myself a salad- lettuce, green beans, and greek style chicken with olive oil and vinegar for dressing. I'm content, but the temptation of Pizza and chicken wings are starring me down right now. It's horrible. I know low carb I can go ahead and eat the chicken wings with some blue cheese.....BUT, yes there is a BUT... I am at my calorie limit for myself.

I exercised, but I do not want to eat my calories burned!! I feel like an addict going through withdrawal and sadly enough... it's true. I am 100% addicted to food. I'm not hungry, but the fact that it's all sitting there and I can smell it just makes me want to eat it.

I was skinny once, I visualize myself as a size 8 that I once was- and instead I went for a 5 calorie sugar free jello and a little bit of homemade heavy whipping whipped cream. AND WATER!!!!! Oh it is so hard. I hate that it's this way... I wish this was easy for me.

I also remind myself, that though I am restricting my calories, I am not focusing on the number on the scale.... though it has it's perks, I am reminding myself of the benefits and the inches that are being lost through this restriction and exercise.

I did 30 mins on the treadmill, and did some arm weights. It was a start. The fact that I pushed to do it is good for me. I wanted to give up at 15. That's how blah I am about working out. I have to find a way to make it fun, I just hate the treadmill though... that's why I'd like to invest in an elliptical

One more week of induction... then I can start to incorporate a little more.

I'm still waiting for the urge to eat the pizza and wings to pass.... I'm trying to fill up on water. I even had a snack and went a little over my calories....

I tested my level of ketosis and I am in Moderate. I rarely get there, so I guess I am doing pretty well.

I am not going to let this control my life- I'M NOT HUNGRY!!! It's just habit, and food is always so good to me!!!

I'm thinking I will be making a pot of my delicious Sausage Kale Soup. That usually lasts me enough to eat for the week, so a trip to the grocery store is in order. The good thing about this, it also keeps me full. and it's all veggies, except the sausage of course.

Sunday Funday...NOT

But on a brighter note... I weighed in this morning and am down a total of 6 pounds in 1 week, thanks to Atkins Low Carb plan, and the Body by Vi meal replacement shakes. Love Love LOVE the plan I am following. Feeling full and losing!!! Is always a wonderful feeling!

My Savior! Breakfast and Lunch

So Today starts exercise 101. I hate to exercise. Well, I shouldn't say I hate it, I just have a hard time getting motivated to do it...but once I get into a routine I feel guilty when I cheat myself and eat bad or don't go to the gym or workout at all. I'm starting with the basics. I'm trying to get down this whole exercise thing. I know people divide their body groups up for muslce strengthening, but I have yet to figure that out. I know there's purpose behind it, I'm just not exactly sure when it comes to someone like me, who maybe makes it to the gym 3 times a week. 

Gotta Move it to LOSE IT!!

I cleaned my basement and made a workout area down there with my set of 5 pound weights, and my treadmill. I'd like to invest in an elliptical too, maybe soon. I also have my body ball, and my resistance bands so I am good to go. I am going to aim for going to the gym 3 days a week since it's so hard for me to go- I have to force myself, but now I have no excuse since yesterday I worked my butt off and got my "area" together. I have to do it at home too. I should be able to get at least 5 days out of working out. I just have to set my mind to it.

I think a lot of my problem is that I am in denial. When I think of myself, I still sort of see the person I used to be, wearing the size 8 jeans. Then, I look at myself in the mirror and I see the reality. I ask myself- How the heck did I get here. 239.0 pounds.

I have to remind myself that this isn't just a diet. It is a lifestyle... So when I get discouraged... I CANNOT GIVE UP. However, I am definitely feeling motivated and excited!!

Myfitnesspal App!

I started really using this app, and I love it!! I've had it on my phone for quite sometime and used it occassionally when I was following WW, but I love it for what I'm doing now. Body by Vi, is actually already programmed in, so I just search and select!

I've been on track ALL DAY. and logging all my progress. I love it. It counts everything right now to the amount of carbs I am eating so I love that it is so easy to for me to now not only keep track of my carbs, but all I get to keep track of my calories. It gives me the usual 1200 calorie program, but I am still aiming for about 1500 because that's what Atkins is saying I should follow. The shakes for breakfast and lunch have a high content of fiber, so I am pleased with that, and they have a low carb and calorie content.

I love this program though!!! Sunday is now my new weigh in day hence I started my new program last Sunday. I was 245.2 When I weighed and started. I was down 5 when I last weighed in so hopefully when I weigh tomorrow I will still be down that 5 pounds. I also have My Biggest Loser Weigh In, On Wednesday. I am hoping I can keep myself down on the scale.

Follow Me on Myfitnesspal

azwelling or find me through my email Sweetness439@aol.com

Body By Vi: 90 day challenge

I received my order from Body by Vi, and I started it yesterday... the shakes are very yummy and very filling. Definitely worth the money. I use them for replacements for Breakfast and lunch and I have a healthy snack in between my meals (all still low carb). I would say in all I am doing well. After doing Low carb I am back down 5 pounds (240) I'm still working on getting back under 240- which was just a few short weeks ago that I was... But for some reason I fell off the wagon and gained it all back! I love the shakes, and I love the low carb way, the only thing is I'm kind of missing fruit strangely enough. But I am working my way up to Phase 2. I have one more week of induction, so I am hoping for maybe another 3-5 pounds during this week. Sunday starts week 2, so I am also going to get in my exercising routine's as well.

I cleaned an area of my basement today. I think it looks fabulous and I turned it into my gym area. My goal is to see if I can get down there very early in the mornings for at least 20 minutes, and of course keep using my gym membership, which I haven't been using.

March is hitting in just 5 days. I don't know where the time has gone. I have My biggest loser challenge weigh in coming up next week, so at least I'm confident I will be down some for that. I also have monthly measurements coming up on March 1st. Hoping to see some differences, but if not- it's my own fault, and I am back on track.

I have a lot of errors with low carb though. I may eat as close to 20 carbs as possible, however I'm only staying in "Trace" ketosis... I really never get any higher than that though. I should probably go for more protein, but I KNOW for sure I definitely overeat in my caloric intake. I should be trying to stay between 1500-1800, but I know this past week I've gone over, and thats because I do a lot of mindless eating in front of the t.v. During the day isn't so bad. When I'm in class, I'm not so much tempted to run to food at Tim Horton's in the cafe area, or to the vending machine. It's when I'm home, I can't keep myself from snacking and eating. I eat at night too, and the worst part about it, at night I am not even hungry. I just eat BECAUSE i can. I downloaded an app called "panic button" and you hit the button and its a 15 minute timer that time's your craving or need to eat junk. I'm going to see if that will help me. They say it takes less than 20 mins to get over the temptation to eat. So hopefully it will work for me. I'm pulling out all the stops this time!

I'm still working on drinking plenty of water, but it's 50/50...some days good, some days bad. I'm working on it.

So far so good :)

I'm doing pretty good thus far. I've been reading different forums on eating Low Carb, and there are a lot of different information out there. I'm trying to steer clear of anything sweet, including sugar free jello for today. I read where it can possibly hinder results as far as weight loss in some people. I am also limiting myself to only 3 packets of splenda today, and not drinking any soda. I'll stick to my one cup of coffee and WATER!!

I only have 5 weeks left in my Biggest Loser challege, so I need to really get on it and stay focused.
I read in a couple different forums that during induction you shouldn't really exercise, but If I am going to get close to or win the challenge, I am going to have to get movin and groovin!! One girl in the challenge is already down 16 pounds. She follows WW, and is a total gym rat. She has a couple different gym memberships and goes before work, after work and when she's bored.

I'm a total grazer and constantly eat throughout the day big meals, small meals, snacks etc. Today I am going to try to stick to proteins, less carb staying as close to 20 as I can, and trying to keep a track on my calorie intake. I read 1500-1800 but I think I would like to stay as close to 1500 as possible too. I feel pretty good. Not so tired. I need to go to the grocery store though so that I can stock up on some essentials for low carb. Now that I've gotten past missing carbs, I think I can go for a couple meal replacement bars and shakes on the atkins line.

I also invested in Body by Vi. They have AMAZING protein shakes that only have 2 grams of carbs and are absolutely delicious. They're a little pricey but I referred 3 people to also purchase, so now after paying for my first kit for 99.00 every order I get there after is free. I am definitely looking forward to it because they taste like cake! Yum. I hope to receive them soon so I can get started.

 I have a lot to look forward to. I need to kick my butt into gear with exercise. I have a gym membership and I have equipment to use at home.