A little known fact is that the first day of getting back in the saddle is always the hardest.... generally the first 3 days are terrible for me, and then day 4 comes along and I feel like a brand new person!
So far today's been great. I started my morning off with a cup of Bulletproof coffee which i actually absolutely love! The taste is very satisfying for me.... but the down fall of living this way, is what you can't eat...
I was invited to go to the movies this evening, but instead turned down the invitation because I couldn't bear the thought of being around the movie theater popcorn, and not being able to eat it. At least not on DAY ONE.... As much as I'd love to see Magic Mike XXL.... I'm trying to stay committed to my new relationship with food. I know its mind of matter, but sometimes I am very weak minded. I will never know the struggle of drug addiction, but I imagine it is something very similar to the food addiction I have! Though sometimes I feel like I'm the only person in the world struggling to not let food control my life. Guess I'll wait until I can rent the movie! But I gotta do what I gotta do!!
I spent most of my morning walking around the grocery store reading labels on everything.... what a way to live!?!?! I ran a couple other errands throughout the day, and found myself driving in silence reflecting on the areas of my life.... my weight, finances, my unemployment, and my relationship that has been hanging on by a thread for quite sometime, my family, etc. I just don't know what to say about any of this at the moment. I felt the anxiety building inside me.... the increase in my heart rate, my labored breathing pattern, and I actually managed to do a little deep breathing exercise I read about and it made me feel better, I tried to change my thoughts and turn them into something positive. Being positive takes energy- and I don't always feel like I have that energy- unfortunately one thing I do is take on other peoples stresses, emotions, and frustrations as my own- it's actually something that all Sagittarius do... I'm guilty, but I let it all affect too much of my life.
One thing that I know, is more than anything I want to be myself. I want to have a job that doesn't abuse me, and that I am happy at. I just want to be able to pay my debts and live comfortably... I want to live a healthy lifestyle... and most of all I just want happiness. I have so many unhealthy obstacles staring me in the face at the moment, and I decided that all I can do is tackle things one day at a time.
#1. I made a plan. I went grocery shopping, and I started my weightloss journey again.
My next step is to thoroughly go through all the ads and apply for more jobs. That's important because I can't move forward and take care of any of my financial stressors until I have a job. I can't think about anything else or move on until I take care of this... it's my sole focus other than working on my relationship with food....
And last but not least... I weighed in this morning... and my starting weight for this time around is 216.8... I am not officially working toward getting back to 211!
Until next time!
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