Excuses...

It's no secret that I always have an excuse for why I can't do something. I actually do struggle with following through. There's some things I know I just have to do like work, school, financial stuff.... but when it comes to things for myself... I make excuses for why I can't. Weightloss and exercise and being healthy mainly. When I get in the mindset I know I can do it.... but I'm at a point in my life where I want to throw in the towel and say I just CANT do this right now.... But I know there's no reason for it... other than being lazy. Well, thats what I say, but sometimes I feel myself falling back into being depressed. I just don't want to go back on medications to help it. I know exercise is the best medicine. Endorphins and the feeling you have after a good workout is all the therapy I really need sometimes.... but mustering up the energy is what I just don't have right now.... I bought myself "goal" jeans to look at years ago assuming that I'd be wearing them by now, and honestly I'm not too far off from fitting them if I actually put in the effort...

I know that this is something i have to do for myself. It's my one struggle that has been in my way my entire life.... and I'm up and down and all over and just never know what to do. I lose, I gain, I lose I gain.... it's never ending. I really just want to feel better...

I'm 5 months away from being 30... and I'm no where near where I thought I would be at 30 years old. I managed to screw up a lot, but for once in my life I feel like I'm on the right track to being ok. I think things will start to go better for me.... I just have to stop making excuses for why it's not. Nothing will work unless I do. 

On another note... the interview that I went on ended greatly and I was offered the position. I am happy to finally be going back to work. Starting is a process... I went Friday for new hire paperwork, background check and to be put in the system. I have an appointment Monday for fingerprinting.... but after that I should be good to start training...so by early August I should be starting. I am excited, because it's finally something I feel like I am going to really enjoy. Things just might be looking up.... one day at a time :)