hmmm

This week really hasn't been going the greatest for me. I don't know what it is. I've sort of been binge eating, but not really bad, My appetite has been increased a bit, but I think it's more or less my level of stress and anxiety I experience. My mother eats horribly, she literally eats candy all day long breakfast lunch and dinner, and I am trying to be healthy and it doesn't help that all this candy and stuff is everywhere to be found in this house.

I haven't really been exercising, I'm not so sure what's up with that.

I haven't been feeling the greatest either, and it's not just the way I've been eating. I'm feeling different, like I may need to schedule a visit with a doctor to be looked at. I know a lot of my problem is stress, and anxiety, but I'm feeling down like i need to go back on my antidepressants and thats not what I want to do. I want to find a way to be content without the medicine.

I know everything takes time, and I am dealing with the final end to an on going on and off relationship, but I think the way I've been living my life in general has really taken it's toll on my emotionally and physically.

It's Tuesday, SO tomorrow, I'm going to get right back on track and hopefully maintain my loss, and not see a gain come weigh in on Friday. I don't mind maintaining, but I have to break the bad habits and emotional binging in order to continue to lose. The rest of the week, I am definitely going to have to do some exercising.

motivate me

WEIGH IN FRIDAY :)

Not today ladies and gentlemen!! The scale is tipping in my favor! Down another 2.4 pounds!!!

I've been sitting here thinking about how I only post my loss in pounds and never my actual weight. SO I'm thinking that when I hit my 25 pound mark of pounds lost, I will start to post my actual weight instead of the pounds lost or gained. In a way I believe the embarrassment of the number will hold me more accountable to putting in the effort to make it go down!

One more week left in the month, means one more weigh in for me.... I know I'm not going to be down 10 pounds... but any loss is better than no loss at all. I'm putting in the effort with doing my best to eat less, and healthier, I'm working on exercise- but I'm going to get it where i need to be.

Tomorrow

Well, tomorrow is fast approaching, and It's WEIGH IN DAY!...

Confessions:

1. I didn't eat the best, I had my cheat day on Friday, then I went on another binge a couple days later just eating whatever.

2. I didn't walk everyday. I only walked 3 days, but 3 days is more than I have been doing in the past. I need to keep adding to it.

So now that I got that out of the way....

I am hoping for a loss, but I don't know how much weight I've actually lost. I don't even care, just as long as it is not a gain. I can't get results over night, and I am a huge work in progress!

It's been quite an emotional week with my personal life, but I'm ok. It's going to get better, I just have to keep my eye on the prize. Everything comes to an end, no matter how good or bad the situation be. It is what it is, and if it was meant to be then it would still be, and it's not. I'm working on myself and worrying about myself more than anything because I've put everyone before me for far too long.

My anxiety has been crazy, but I made the decision to go off of all those medications and I am just trying to handle everything the best that I can.

We're vastly approaching the last week of August, and I am making some choices to do some pre-fall cleaning. I'm packing up the things I don't want and no longer need. I'm also packing away the memories that make me have emotions that I need to tuck away now. Love is such a tricky thing. But I'm going to be OK.

SO... lets see what happens tomorrow! Tomorrow is a NEW day!

Exercise with a little noticed progression!

Well, today I haven't had much of an appetite, and I really cannot complain, the less calories I consume the better off I am!

I did some laundry today, so I've been up and down the basement times probably 20 times. I'm counting it as exercise lol. I also went for a 2.1 mile walk around the neighborhood like I generally do. I feel better having done it. I just have to make it a habit.

WEEKLY GOAL:

WALK 2.1 Miles EVERYDAY(until weigh in Friday)

I was looking at myself in the mirror today, and I was trying to notice if I could see where the 12.2 pounds were lost, and I do see it a little bit. So I'm happy, it makes me want to keep going and to be better!

12.2 pounds lost.

 

Actually, Since the picture on the left, I have lost 16.2 pounds but since I started my Journey for the millionth time on June 25th, I am only down 12.2 pounds. It's been a fluctuating battle, but I have to keep going no matter the gain or loss! My weight is such a roller coaster, but I feel like I can see a bit of a difference in my stomach area, not much but enough.

I've worked out a method to my madness. HAHA! I've decided that until further notice or plans, my cheat days will be after I weigh in on Friday mornings. If I solely have 1 cheat day to eat 1 cheat meal a week and I do it the day of my weigh in, that literally gives me the entire week to work it off, and I can live with that! It prevents me from being sooo discouraged by the results of my bad habits!

At this point I'm not so sure I will reach my goal of losing 10 pounds this month, if so that means I need to lose 8 more pounds, I'm hoping for about 5 more though. But that means I am really going to have to work for it!

I've also started taking vitamins, and it's really helping with my energy!
Women's One A Day Energy Multi-vitamin
B Complex
Biotin (hair skin and nail growth a must have!)
Folic Acid (eventually I'd like to have children, being a nurse and knowing the importance I want to make sure its abundant in my system)

Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend!

Friday Weigh In!!

I weighed in this morning and I am happy to say I am down 3 pounds this week! For a total of 12.2 pounds! I am so freaking happy! I weighed what I weigh today back in February when I had started weight watchers and gotten sick with the flu and couldn't keep anything down. It's definitely been hard this week, and I cheated here n there, but I still feel good knowing I'm down 3 pounds! I just need to keep this up.

I only worked out 2 days this week. That's still something I am trying to enforce but I struggle with wanting to do it! 2 days is better than no days!

I hope everyone has a fantabulous Friday!

The soup diet: FRUIT DAY

7 days of the soup.

I started out today. I have to say it's not so bad. However, I did make a mistake I had my usual cup of coffee with half and half and 1 splenda this morning. Oooops!

So, minus that little mistake, I have been doing really well. I had cantaloupe and watermelon for breakfast. I had a bowl of soup for lunch with a few chunks of watermelon, and I plan to eat it again for dinner with some more cantaloupe and watermelon chunks, and maybe some granny smith apple slices.

The soup itself I actually tweeked just the slightest bit. I added some minced garlic and red pepper flakes to spice it up a bit. It's really good. I happen to really like it. I don't know about anyone elses taste, but I don't mind it at all. I don't add any salt or anything extra. I also did crushed tomatoes instead of diced because I grabbed the wrong kind when I was shopping, but either way it still tastes great.

I think I can definitely commit and follow this for 7 days. I'm all in! Can't wait to see what the scale says come weigh in day this Friday!

Now the hard part... FORCING EXERCISE.

This is my new Motto! I love it! That is what I need to do.... SUCK IT UP and do the exercise, I'm tired of sucking it in. I just need to get going and make it a routine in my life.

Soup!

I came across this on pinterest, and if I'm thinking correctly its the same thing as the cabbage soup diet.

It's crazy but I think I may do this, just because I love soups. I don't know why but I absolutely do. I love throwing all the ingredients in a crockpot and letting them simmer away. I also love making things that I can store nicely in the fridge and eat all week, especially soups. I don't get sick of them. I could eat them for every meal everyday. Even the same one. I realize that sounds strange, but that's me!

I have a birthday party to go to tomorrow afternoon, my friends daughter is turning 4, so I am taking my niece, and I swear that is my last encounter with cake for the rest of August.... wait, actually my mom's birthday is August 13th SO THAT would be my last encounter with cake, but I'm thinking I am going to pass on the cake. I will be fine without. Especially because I am so curious to see if this cleanse really works. 10 pounds really? We'll see... especially since I worked out a 5 day a week workout schedule. I actually already take all the vitamins listed as well, I started adding those in because I don't eat right- well I shouldn't say right, my pattern of eating is just all over lately, I just eat whatever is around, and it's generally not well balanced.

So after the party, I'm going to make a little list of the additional items i will need that I didn't get at the farmers produce stand, and get from the grocery store. I'm kind of excited. :)

Changes...

I changed my weigh in to Fridays, because my biggest screw up is always on the weekends, and weighing on Tuesdays shows exactly where I went wrong.... So hopefully going back to weighing in on Fridays will show me that I can have results even with my slip ups and not discourage me like it has a habit of doing.

I weighed in this morning, and I am down 0.6 ounces... a loss is a loss! SO my next weigh In will be next friday. Hoping to lose that 1.4 plus a little extra and move up from my 10 pound loss.

Doing my Best!

Figured it out :) Got it together...

Today's ship has sailed. LONG GONE by now. I'm awake as I usually am, one thing I just can't seem to get right is sleeping. I think it's all that I carry on my mind.

I sat down, and I went over EVERYTHING I have, and where I have had my most success, and where most of my failure comes from.

All last week, I did not keep track of anything I ate, I just ate, and guessed and a little here and there, and I ended up gaining 2 pounds. I also don't drink enough water. Starbucks runs through my veins. All Nurses KNOW- that's how we make it through. And when it comes to food, I have no plan. I'm strictly a eater of convenience 80% of the time. I've also been craving juice- which is extremely ODD because I gave up juice a LONG time ago, because there's no sense in drinking all that sugar and wasting calories.

I'm completely against buying the pre-packaged meals like smartones even though I've done it in the past. They just have so much sodium, and so many unhealthy chemicals in them to make them last longer. One thing I am going to do tomorrow before all else, is head over to the little produce market and get some fresh locally grown produce. I HATE TOPS grocery store produce, and I am in no mood to venture to Wegman's because being in there is just pure chaos for me, and even though Wal-Mart is cheaper, I'm just not in the mood to deal with the Canadians who make their way over and buy up everything because it's cheaper (sorry to my Canadian family, but you know how it is!)

I am however a huge fan of Low Carb just because the feeling of fullness in itself is worth it. However, I get so bored with it. Protein and veggies... and I love rice with butter, how do I give it up.... I love FRESH fruit too, but if I'm going to do this, I have to put my foot down and get strict with carbs, and eliminate them. It's just so hard because I feel like my family purposely sabotages me, because they offer it to me, and I politely say NO meanwhile I'm SCREAMING INSIDE TO GO THE HELL AWAY!!, and they offer again, only this time getting closer and saying "Are you suuuuuure, it's just so yummy." I'm my father's daughter, I'm addicted to sweets- I cave.

Because of the sweet tooth I inherited from my father, when I lived in North Carolina, I would go on very strict diets- It was different then, I had so much more self control than I do at this point in my life- I think it's because so much of me has changed and been lost in the last 3 years {significantly}(thats a story for another day)-- but when I would junk food binge- I would go all out crazy that would leave my family asking "ARE YOU SURE SHE'S NOT PREGNANT"-- LOL my mom always responds that I'm exactly like my father. I did get that gene, and his big ears of course... WHAT I DID NOT GET THOUGH.... is his METABOLISM.............................. Lucky me.

I have a plan in mind, on what is going to work best for me. I came to this conclusion after going through old journals where I lost all the weight originally in my Freshman year of College, back when AOL Journals was the thing...and that was my source of social media and support in addition to me habit of journaling my life (when I have time). Of course, I'm not 19 years old anymore, so my body has changed quite a bit over time, but if this worked for me THEN, I'm going to make it work for me NOW.

Exercise.... I HATE IT. There is nothing about sweating like a pig for no reason that sounds appealing... OH but there IS A REASON... it burns calories. I have to suck it up and do it. Tell me, myself, and I just to shut up and get over it. If I want this, I have to work for it, just like I worked hard for all those degrees of mine.

I'm going to do it! watch and see :)

GET IT TOGETHER....

7 days into the month and I'm already messing up, and being lazy.

What is wrong with me? Why is this so hard? Why can't this be easy? Why can't I enjoy exercising? Why can't I make it a non-excusable routine in my life? Why do I fight it?

I do well in the beginng and then I just completely mess everything up!!!

Yesterday was weigh In, and I was up 2 pounds-- I guess that's ok because I've been bad, but still. I've been so happy with my 10 pounds that I didn't think I would turn around and mess it all up.

It's a new day. I just cannot give up.

If others can do it! So can I

Sore today...

I worked out on the 31st, that was more cardio than anything. Because of the walking and jogging I did- waaay out of shape is all I can say

I kick started my month of August with a long and lean toning class at the gym with my friend Jenell. She called and asked me to go to her gym with her, because she has a visitors pass, so I went. I still haven't been feeling well because I've been sick, but I've been pushing through and making the effort to make changes in my life.

I LOVED the class, it was so simple, but at the same time I felt the burn, and I am most definitely feeling the burn in my muscles from the weights. I deviated from the plan on the first day of my 30 day challenge, but the truth is.. in that class I did weigh more than the what was on my day 1 schedule. I really liked the class, but there's no sense in my joining that gym because I know I will not drive the 30-45 mins it takes to get there. Maybe I can find something closer to my home than hers and go on my own, but it was nice to have a partner to work out with.

I often try to get my mother to go walking or workout with me, but she never wants to. She also doesn't help with healthy eating in this house.. So i blame a tiny part of my failure on her because she enables me to eat JUNK food. If I didn't live at home, and was on my own, I wouldn't have the excuse because I would shop for myself, and keep a lot of things out of my fridge and cabinets.  Enough about that.

I don't know what to do about goals. I know I want to see my body change in measurements and thats what I intend to do, but I also would like to see some weight loss, so I'm going to stick to my monthly goal of 10 pounds. I have a number in mind that I would like to get down to. It's just such a process. It's not a HUGE loss, but it's about 22 pounds. Right now I am down 10 pounds, so really thats only 12 more pounds to go to get back to the number I have in mind. It's a number that sticks in my mind from when I met a certain someone in my life. So I'd like to lose the 12 pounds to get back to that it's only 2 pounds more than my ORIGINAL 10 pound goal.... so I am just going to have to work really hard this month. And I have the time!!

One thing I dislike about exercise though is how much it increases my appetite. I hate to exercise at night before bed, because then it tags on an additional 2 hours before falling asleep. Maybe for me, it's going to make a difference if I exercise first thing in the morning before all else, and then go for my morning coffee and breakfast. I will have to try it.

I had a doctors appointment today, so I of course brought up my concern being my weight. She gave me some literature to read, that new research is showing that for WOMEN in order to really lose weight it is completely necessary to workout and exercise a minimum of 5 days a week, and for MEN- their minimum requirements for healthy living is 3 days a week. Just another charge at the cost of being a woman, as if things aren't hard enough already! lol

So with that in mind, I am no longer sticking to my 3 days a week rule. I have to get in 5 days of exercise regardless of my 30 day challenge or not. I have to do it.