A picture from 12/4

Me on the Left! 243.0

This picture was one of my moments when I looked at myself and said- I have to do something about this! This is the heaviest I have ever been in my life. I remember getting ready to go out and thinking I looked pretty good, and avoiding the fact that the jeans I put on in this pic were actually an 18 and I told myself the brand ran small. I'm standing in a group of girls- the skinny blonde in the back who thinks she's fat and hides behind the "bigger girls" then the girl in the green and the girl in the stripes have both lost over 80 pounds since they've had Gastric Bypass surgeries.

Then I look at myself, and I see how full, fat and round my face has gotten. I look at my arms and see how big those have gotten and I say to myself how and why did I let it get to this? The smallest I have ever been in weight was about 167 in the 6th grade. In 7th grade I gained weight and I remember being about 204, and from that time on I spent most of my life at this weight. In 2004, graduating high school I remember weighing 208, and doing everything I could to lose weight. In 2005, I dropped a mass amount of weight- weighing in at 178 and I thought I looked great. Not perfect, but healthy. I was also wearing a size 8-10 (depending on brand). I looked great, and I felt better than I had ever felt before. I just want to go back to that, and I don't know why it is such a struggle for me. I just look at myself in this picture and I look like such a BLOB.

243- HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET THIS WAY?!?!?!?! I've battled with weight issue's my entire life. I remember going on a "diet" at 7 years old because I weighed 121 pounds. I will probably never see those numbers again in life....lol but I would be happy at 178.

I've set a goal in my mind to get out of the 240's. My first goal is to get down to 239. I would be happy to knock off these 3 pounds that fluctuate on and off. I have to start somewhere and this is where I am starting. It may be a tiny goal for some. But a starting goal for myself, and I'm ready to take on this challenge.

I need to spend less time worrying about eating, and exercise. I'm going to have to exercise to burn the calories. I did that Monday and I was absolutely ecstatic that I actually went. I told myself I had to go. I wore sweats to school and said that I was leaving school and driving straight to the gym. Of course I did not do that. I drove home....walked into the house... put my laundry in the wash, and then I sat down and said to myself. What am I doing? I had yet to take off my shoes, so I again said to myself- IF I TAKE OFF MY SHOES, I KNOW I WON'T GO BACK OUT!... So I finished my snack, turned off the tv, and drove to the gym like I said I was going to do. Of course I did a light workout because it's been a long time since having done a workout, but I went, and I feel good about it. It was more than I have done in a very long time. Tomorrow I will do the same thing. Go to school, and on my way home from school, I will make my way to the gym, and I will utilize the gym membership that I let go until now. There's only 5 months remaining. I need to get the best of what's left while I have it.

I've invested in 5 pound hang weights, and some rubber resistance bands for at home. Those are mostly for working out my arms. I have to tone them up, and I will.

This is going to be one of the hardest things I do in life, but I have to regain control over my life before I end up in a position that is NOT good.