Weigh In

Well, if nothing else, I'm down 1.2 pounds. Its better than I thought considering the weekend I had.

I don't know how today is going to go. Im in school until 4:00 and then I have clinicals from 5p-11p. I probably won't make it to the gym, I have to go home after clinicals and clean out the bathroom, since the remodeler is coming to start working.

The mental burden I had, has taken its toll on me. Though it seems as if the storm is finally over, this could just be the calm before the storm. Who can ever really tell with a person as unstable as that. 

I don't have much of an appetite. I sipped through a small cup of coffee, not even finishing it because I let it get cold. I haven't eaten.  I look like I've been crying. I haven't moved from this computer for over 2 hours. I didn't even get done the work I was supposed to. Nor did I study for my midterm I have at 2:30. I sat here, crying...yes crying in the middle of the library...with my mind in a thousand other places than sitting here.

I will make it through. Tomorrow will be a better day than this.

I call this a journey, but its more than just a journey to get thin... its a journey to become healthy, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Finding a better way to be who I am.

The journey, that it has always been...

Well, last week was a complete and total flop! I managed to do GREAT the entire first three days, I was OP, working out, and feeling good too... then along came a evening out with a friend at the casino with drinks and dinner at 3 sisters, dinner at fridays with 2 margaritas, and a movie to follow, then a Bridal shower with 2 sex on the beach and a buffet of food, and if that wasn't enough, still had dinner at Carrabba's... Take out-take out-take out!

There's probably no recovering the loss i see after 3 days of staying on track to the amount of food, and alcoholo absorbed afterward... So the only thing I could do was start Today off better, and see what tomorrow will bring.

I worked last night. My usual Sunday into Monday shift. got to work at 11:45pm, and was there until 10am. I had to go for blood work, but I fought myself on going home to sleep. All I wanted to do was keep driving straight home after the doctor, and go to bed, instead I made a left and pulled into the Gym parking lot... I said "Arriel, just give it an hour... get your cardio in, and go home and sleep".. I got my cardio in, 45 mins, and then i did 30 mins of the basic 8. I threw myself in... I figured, I had to. I had a whole plan of what I was going to do, and how I was going to do it, but I said forget it! I'm not going to work on just cardio another week, since I messed up my plan last week, so I did it. When I came out I felt great! I had some energy, but that fizzled after lunch... haha so I found myself falling asleep watching tv, until my alarm went off to get my brother off the bus this afternoon. 

Tomorrow will be yet another scheduled weigh in day, I wont be that disappointed if I don't see a loss, because all I can tell myself is YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE, I gave my all 3 days in and then everyone else sabotaged it! haha It's my own fault. I know! I just need a little will power dust to sprinkle all over me...

Well, I'm off to get ready for class tonight. Spring break has officially ended!!

Day 2

Well, So far, So good. I know I set a list of weigh in dates for myself being once a week every month, however, I have SOCD (scale obsessive compulsive disorder), so I tend to weigh myself like.... everyday. Now, as I said before my scale was 8 pounds off from the dr., and today weighing in I was down 2.2 pounds. I'm happy with that if that is the only weight I lose this week. I just need to stay OP (on program). I'm going to be using tons of abbreviations just because it'll make my postings a lot more easier to get through!

I will be honest though. I had 2 protein shakes. 1 for breakfast and 1 for lunch and then I did have a bowl of Southwestern soup for dinner- fairly healthy minus the ground beef in it. But it's one of my favorites. I came home from a CPR class that I needed to do for school, and my mom had made it for dinner not knowing that I was dieting/ fasting... so I splurged and ate the soup. It's ok though, that was the second option for the fasting plan I researched, instead of 3 shakes, just 2 shakes and an evening meal. Either way, I may do both, as long as my meal is the equivalent of the calories in the protein shake, I should be ok.

I didn't make it to the gym, though I should have forced myself to go... but I just didn't have the time, or the energy rather. My father had heart surgery in the afternoon which was a 3 hour procedure, then he was in recovery, and I had to go to a 4 hour CPR class, and by the time I was done, I was just ready to get home, and get in bed for the night... which I did.

Today's task... I'm cleaning up the basement trying to organize the one side of it... and of course I'm going to go to the gym, I'm just debating on doing as hour, or doing 2 hours to make up for the time I missed yesterday. We'll see what happens and how I'm feeling when I get there.

Other than that, I'm feeling really good about making these changes. I know its only day 2, but I am still feeling positive!!

The beginning of my journey...

So today marks the day... Day 1-Week 1 of me taking control over my life....in more areas than this most definitely.

I weighed in this morning. As I had set out a list of weigh in dates for myself each month to do every week, and it seems as though the doctors scale is about 8 pounds off from my home scale. The question is... whose scale is most accurate? When I went to the doctors office, I had clothes, boots, and a winter jacket on, along with holding my wristlet on my arm.. so I know that scale isn't accurate, but is it really 8 pounds off? Any who... I have an appointment at the gym I just joined to do a Weigh In and a Fit test, and a free session with a personal trainer. I don't exactly have tons of money to be shelling out on a personal trainer, so I'm going to make the most of my free session... I'm going to write down a list of everything I want her to address, and then I'm going to take notes on everything she says...lol just so that I can remember and reference it for FREE. And then, once I get some of my finances in order we will see where it goes and if I am able to get a couple training sessions as needed.

I have set out to start new... mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and of course physically. I've decided that for this first week, I am going to detox, and do a 7 day fast. Nothing but very low calorie protein shakes (only 3 a day) and liquids all through out the day. I'll call this Phase 1. Next week I'll start to incorporate more...but I'm going to shock my body into weight loss mode if possible.

Since joining the gym last week, I have gone and done 60 minute workouts on the elliptical 2 times thus far. My plan is to go later this evening as well, and continue about 5 or 6 days a week. Right now for this week, I'm working on cardio only. I have not worked out in over a year, the last I worked out I believe was in April sometime. So my body has not seem too much activity!! Next week, I'll be incorporating the basic 8 of weight lifting to tone the body. I have a few areas I really want to tone up.

I'm 26 years old... weighing well over 200 pounds. My goal is not to drop down to a model size 2, but to live more healthy and lose about 30-40 pounds, as that is where I was once very comfortable with myself. And of course, I want to maintain the loss.

I have no set plan really, I did the very basics of setting some goals and guidelines for myself... I don't know what exercises I'll be doing, or the duration, i just know the frequency will be 5 to 6 days a week, and my nutritional schedule, I am kind of winging it... My life is so all over the place that I need to make changes, even if it is baby steps.