Morning Bike Ride

I went for a mid-morning bike ride. I went for about 30 minutes, along the water of West river. I live on the Island, so I'm surrounded by water. I actually felt a little self conscious about it too. I thought to myself what a fool I'd look like riding my bike by myself around. I hesitated, but said forget it...pulled on the bike and started pedaling down the street. I didn't go long. 1. I'm out of shape, and 2. Bikes weren't exactly made for girls, at least not heavy girls like myself- it's very uncomfortable in certain places!

Anyway, I've managed to add somethings to my blog. Apparently I'm not very blogger savvy at all. adding section tabs was a big improvement. I managed to do my measurements and post them! (cringe)- but hey I have to face the facts of what and who I am.

I keep tossing around the idea of staying on a structured program or going low carb. My problem is food. I love sweets, I love bread... I love all things bad for you! My mom once did Atkins when it was the new craze back in the late 90's. I remember she lost 30 pounds in a month. She and all the other girls in the hospital read the book, and carried the book, and did everything they were supposed to with the book. My mom was a cheat though. She did it full force M-F, and cheated Saturday and Sunday still managing to drop 30 pounds. How she did it, I'll never really know, but I wonder if I could do it and maintain it.

Weight watchers once had 2 different programs where it was the points program, and they also had a core program which was a modification of atkins, and south beach, but I guess they did away with that.

My goal right now is to lose 5% of my total body weight. I have another 6 pounds to go, and a dress to fit into next weekend for my cousins wedding. It's an old dress- I said I wasnt buying anything new, but I don't even know if I can fit in it. When I wore the dress last, I was around that weight when I bought it, so I'm hoping if I could just loose a little more I'll fit into it comfortably.

I have errands to run this afternoon, and an appointment with physical therapy. But, I plan on an evening at the gym. Sometimes I wish I had someone to go with me. A motivational partner, but part of changing my health, is changing the people around me that are toxic to my health, and I realize more and more that the friends I once called my friends aren't healthy to my life, they don't want the same things I want. They don't have the education I have, and we don't have much in common other than we grew up together, and we partied together. I've invited one of my friends many times to come work out with me- she is also a heavy girl like myself since shes always crying about her weight, she always says yes, then turns around and says no... then later cries that shes fat and no one wants her. She's an enabler, who never has time to change her situation. I'm exhausted enough let alone dealing with all of that. Anyway, I'm going to the gym for myself. I'm going to do this for me!

5 pounds

I'm still holding on and maintaining this 5 pound loss. 5.2 total. I skipped weighing in last week, because I'm sure it was up a bit because I was definitely off track. I woke up this morning and weighed myself.

I had plans to go to the gym and get a good workout in, however my day was completely ruined due to a stupid man in my life and a poor sick little brother. Once again my energy level went from 10 to 2. I'd like to lay down and take a nap. Eating has been slim today... that could be a good thing. I had a protein shake for breakfast, so I felt full- that probably could be why. I had a small lunch, and unfortunately for snack i had 4 oreo cookies... my addiction is junk food!

Tomorrow will be a better day. There is no other options!

Secrets of a Former Fat Girl...

I bought this book, on my excursion through the self help aisles at Barnes and Nobles that day. I started reading it today actually. It's about a woman who went from a size 16 to a size 2.

Now, personally, I don't want to be a size 2, and I'm more than positive that my body shape and style could never possibly look correct, healthy or appealing at a size 2. I was comfortable 5 years ago when I was wearing a size 8. I am currently a size 14-16 depending on the brand and make of the clothes I wear, and my shirt sizes are of course a L/XL. My problem is that my 14's are getting tighter, and I'm being forced into my once lose and comfortable fit size 16s where I'm probably about a sandwich away from being able to fit in those pants.

I read the first chapter of this book, and I'm actually intrigued. I have a terrible food addiction like the one the woman describes. I've had many days and nights where I've sat down in front of the tv, and ate a half gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream right from the container as well.

Step One: Forgetting Dieting.

She says that the beginning of her journey began by forgetting about her food addiction, and eating as she always had. She started exercising. Went to Aerobics classes, and did cardio, and still came home eating a tower of taco nachos with all the toppings and a pint of ice cream... and just by the push of exercise she made herself do, she went from a size 16 to a 12, without even changing how she ate. Maybe, I'm missing the bigger picture. I'm so busy trying to count the calories, and fats and fibers and points of the food I'm putting in my mouth, and TOTALLY slacking on the fact that exercise is what burns all those points and calories going into my mouth. I love food. There's no way around it. I love to make it, I love to cook it, I love to smell it, taste it and eat it.

I need to MOVE IT TO LOSE IT. I think I may actually try this approach. I'm not going to count points or calories or any of that junk anymore. I'm going to focus on portion control. I'll monitor the size, but not the calories. And, I'm going to workout. I definitely have the time to do it. So working out, exercising, burning calories is key!

I actually feel motivated. That's always a good thing!

Weigh In Pass

I took a weigh in pass today, as Sunday is my normal and usual day for weighing in, with the stress I've been under and the way I've been eating. I said I was gonna skip it until next Sunday when this last week of school is over.

My grandparents came by, they said I looked like I've lost some weight- I of course question where because I have yet to see it or feel it.

Ive been trying to stay on track, but One of my downfalls is of course Starbucks. Oh how I love Iced Caramel macchiato's in the summer. But it's ok, I'll take every point value in store because I enjoyed every sip of it!

I found this picture of myself on a friends facebook this evening, and I thought it didn't look so bad of me. It's probably the most recent picture I've taken out in public in almost 2 years. It's ok, but I could really ford to lose 40-50 pounds and be healthy. When I find some time for myself, I'm going to sit down and do my measurements and work on this page. I'd just like to get through finals this week, and hopefully prioritize! Well, back to studying for the rest of the night.

Food... :)

Well, I've search high an low for a marinade that would be enjoyable. I think I've finally found one. I've bought tons of store bought bottles that say ":marinade" and they just don't do it for me. There's something about the ingredients... its either oily or I don't know. I've just never liked them. I of course did the other thing that everyone does, marinade my chicken in Italian dressing, but again.. I found more and more that it gave it a weird taste depending on the brand of Italian. I found a little recipe for something so simple. It was called Mediterranean Chicken. It was great, I kinda of just eye balled the ingredients because I had a lot more Chicken to marinate than the recipe. But it consisted of lemon juice, crushed garlic, and dried oregano with a little salt and pepper to taste. I LOVED IT! And the good thing about it, there's no point value, or oil to soak up! I will definitely be keeping all the simple ingredients on hand because I'm positive I'll be using it again!

I'm finding more and more as time goes on, that I thoroughly enjoy home cooked, home-made. I'm even eating those boxed frozen meals less and less trying to come up with a way to eat healthier. However, I still do love my comfort foods! The one's I turn to when I'm down, of course. Food has always been my enemy. I'm literally addicted to food. It's not exactly like smoking or drinking either, I can't ween myself off and stop for good. However, I do have to make better choices. I still love my sweets. Love sweets! I can't express that enough... but I do really enjoy the WW giant cookies and cream ice cream bars. Oreo's are one of my addictions- so this takes care of that wonderfully. The problem I'm not trying to conquer is chocolate chip cookies. I need a low fat, low sugar way of making those! I remember when I could and used to eat an Applebee's triple chocolate melt down nearly everyday of the week, do you know how many calories are in that thing???!! I haven't had one in so long, I try to forget they even exist, in fact it'll be a death wish, and a huge gain because I'll be craving and wanting them all the time again. I would say it's been over 2 years since I've eaten one, and I'd really like to keep it that way.

On to another Topic...

I went to my Gyn appointment yesterday, it was a follow up to see how my body was doing and how I've been feeling since my ectopic pregnancy in January. I try not to think about it, I just insist that God has more in store for me right now, and had my best interest when he, unlike myself, knew what I'd be getting into with going to Nursing School. Of course, at 26 years old, I'm being lectured by this old feeble man about birth control selection and abstinence... then of course, he hits me with... "YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE WEIGHT!".... Now yesterday the doctors scale showed I was up from my 5 pound loss, and I probably am because of the stress I am under with finals, and of course *emotions* makes me turn to food for comfort! Now, I won't lie... the last time I was in that office my weight was 228.2 Now, with that being said I was also pregnant and going through severe severe...SEVERE pain, and my body was all out of whack with all of that, so yes my weight was up there, but HELLO, could u acknowledge that since then my weight has dropped 12 pounds. PLEASE! I'm a work in progress, and I take every bit of loss a day at a time. It's hard to break habits, and make positive changes. I'm taking the step to change my life... and I have to work at it everyday.

I finally bought a tape measure to take my measurements. I'm going to put on the brave face, and post current pictures, and list my measurements, as well as any weight loss progress I make.

I also want to change this page layout, but I'm not so blog savvy...haha So once I figure that all out, hopefully I'll have a better more organized set up to my blog!

Mini-Goals

Well, In all I have lost a total of 5 pounds. As always, I am a work in progress. I'm still such an emotional eater! uggggh it's so frustrating. I sabotage all my hard work with the stress I am faced with in my everyday life. Other than TOM visiting, and always causing trouble... I had a week of hell with studying for finals and completing last minute Assignments. I finished my assignments none the less, and I took one of my finals yesterday, and of course it's a waiting game. This class was so hard! Nursing school is going to be the death of me, I'm sure... among other things.

I haven't been to the gym in forever, I am so exhausted from school it's ridiculous! Thankfully I have been out of work the last 2 weeks because of my wrist injury, so I've been able to focus on my schooling, but of course now, there's a financial burden. Either way there's going to be a financial burden because I am going to need to look for another job- one that is willing to work with my hectic class schedule.

I'm doing weight watchers, as I officially decided, but I'm wondering if that was the best choice for me. I guess, because it gives me the choice to eat what I want at the cost of a point value... but I'm just wondering how long I can really stick to it.

I've realized that I have a few problems.

1. I eat a lot of take-out... that truthfully is my trouble. I'm tired, and have no energy to prepare meals, so I'm always at a drive through or calling to place an order somewhere that I can swing by on my way home. I need to set my limits with thing dining out, ordering out, non home cooked meals! I've been using smartones meals which actually work out great for me, butt of course, I look at them, and it's not exactly always what I'm in the mood to eat. Sometimes I'd like to take the time to cook and prepare rather than throw a meal in a microwave. But unfortunately that is the time I have. I work 4 days a week 12a-10a, and come home and sleep the day away, and then grab whatever is convenient around the house to eat in between running my errands or cleaning the house and what not, and the endless laundry I always have. So, with that being said. My goal is to eat at home. Whether it be home cooked, or from a frozen meal box, I need to eat at home.
Goal # 1- Eat at home. If I eat out at all, it will only be 1 meal, 1 time a week.

2. I'm finding less and less time to go to the gym that I pay a very expensive membership for. Well, I won't say that- My job did put $250 toward it but I am still left with the $250 balance. I need to find a way to go as often as I possibly can.
Goal # 2- Utilize my gym membership as many times a week as possible. A minimum of 3 days.

3. I can't ever seem to express it enough- I AM TIRED!!! I need to prioritize the best ways I know how, and tackle all jobs one at a time, and as much as I am able to. I'm currently studying about rest and sleep, and as my current status in life holds, I am 1. At a higher risk for health problems pertaining to weight (check!)... 2. At a high risk for suffering depression (check!) 3. At a high rate of suicide attempts (I'm not there yet, but I could see where it could lead to that.
Goal # 3- The idea is to take some time for me. Find something relaxing, that will clear my mind, de-stress, and re-energize!

4. I don't drink enough. I can see a lot of signs and symptoms in my body and health of dehydration. Weight Watchers requires 6-6oz glasses of fluids. Now, I've always known it to be that we are supposed to obtain at least 64 ounces of water a day. This is fine, However, while watching Dr. Oz one morning he insists that you should be consuming half your body weight in fluids to flush the body of toxins and so on and so forth. Which, I guess in all makes sense. I don't drink nearly what I should. I've cut back on soda a lot. I've been trying to consumer more water...but it needs work.
Goal # 4- Though this is giving away my weight- I guess the ideal is for me to consume at least 106 ounces of fluid for the day.

Some way, some how, I will figure out a way to become focused. I am going to do everything I need to to get my life in order... I have some mini goals set to work on, and I plan to give it my all this go round. 

 

i'm back at it again... i know its been well over a month since ive last posted...but here i am. ive been following weight watchers for a full week at of sunday, and i am down a total of 4 pounds. yesterday wasnt such a good day for me, it the starting of toms arrival, so of course all i wanted to do was eat everything in sight... i did to an extent. i splurged for chips n oreos in the vending machine at school, but other than that, i did ok for the day...hopefully today will be better and ill keep on track and lose another 4 pounds